How To Own Your Life and Choose the Jewelry You Desire

 

You are worthy of your desires. But do you know your desires?

 

Have you spent years buying knock-off gems because you believe you should?

 

Or perhaps you’re buying expensive name brands, also because you believe you should?

 

Either way, it sounds like you’re stuck in a “should” storm. You need to take a moment to reset and figure out what you really want. So how do you figure out what you want when there are so many ads telling you what you should want? And so many people telling you who you should be? And your social media feed telling you what you’re not?

 

Investing in the right jewelry for YOU requires first investing in yourself.

The pressure surrounding the question of “who you should be and what you should want” is real and it’s intense.

We want you to choose the right jewelry for yourself. We want you to feel good about yourself and we want you to feel confident that you are serving who you are.

So, let’s take a minute to reset and find out what you really want.

“But do you want it?” Have you ever interviewed for a job but didn’t know how to answer your friend’s question afterward: “But do you want it?” Have you ever gone on a date and felt unsure about whether you wanted a second? Ambivalence doesn’t necessarily tell you “no, you don’t want this,” but it does suggest that maybe there’s something else you want.

 

A more helpful question may be: “If you could do or have anything right now, what would that be?” Do you read that question, imagine something, and then feel a rush of excitement and fear at the same time? Look out for those feelings. If something inspires that same sense of gut-deep fear and longing, you have to at least consider it seriously.

 

But how do we get to such an embodied place of knowing oneself? Of knowing one’s desires?

 

Steps for Owning Yourself and Your Life

 

Some would say years of therapy and life experiences. But if you’re looking for a faster route, try these steps:

 

1. Counselor and author Meg Selig has created the VITALS method for checking in with yourself. You can read it more in-depth here but it requires tapping into your personal values, interests, temperament, biorhythm, life mission, and strengths. So ask yourself these questions:

•     V: What do I value most? Family, meaning, slowness, things that endure?
•     I: What excites you ongoingly? Art, people, new ideas?
•     T: What are your preferences? Do you prefer to work alone or in a group?
•     A: What are your natural biorhythms? Do you sleep in or wake at dawn?
•     L: What is your life mission? What have been the most meaningful experiences of your life?
•     S: What are your strengths? Math, vulnerability, punctuality?

1. With the VITALS method in hand, you may already be noticing those gut moments of excitement and fear. Don’t feel them? Ask friends to share moments when they’ve noticed you seemed excited or alive. Ask your parents what you liked when you were a kid. Look at your past diary entries, letters to family, emails to friends, DMs, Facebook feed, text messages -- what do you find important to share? Be an investigator looking into the missing case of you.
2. Do something entirely different and see how it makes you feel. Do this experiment once a week and write down your observations.
3. Turn off social media. You are being distracted by the “shoulds”. iPhones and Androids alike know how dangerous this is. They both have features that allow you to limit the amount of time you spend on social media (or other applications) on a daily or weekly basis. Drown out the noise so you can hear your own thoughts and wants.

 

Now Own Your Life by Investing in Your Jewelry and Wearing It Proudly

It turns out self-knowledge and self-bejeweling go hand-in-hand. Apply some of these tools to your buying habits:

 

1. What are you paying attention to? Do you linger in front of a particular high-end clothing store but you never go in because you think “I could never afford that!” Do you stare at hot pink heels and think “I so want that -- but I’m an adult now, I can only wear beige going forward!” Either way, it sounds like you’re holding yourself back from a style you identify with. Maybe those aren’t the exact stores or pieces you’ll end up purchasing but they are telling you what you want -- and more importantly -- what wearing something like that would mean to you. Take note of what you’re eyeing.

1. Create your dream collection. If you had all the money in the world, what would you own? If you had a designer creating jewelry for you, what would they create?

1. Notice your emotions after you purchase an item. Do you feel sad after you buy ten pairs of shoes at Payless? Did you want those shoes or did you want another, more expensive pair? Do you feel happy after you go thrifting and find the most unique leather jacket? The “If I’m still thinking about the sweater tomorrow, I’ll go back and buy it” rule actually works. Purchasing jewelry is a choice that should make you feel something special because we’re using it to express ourselves. So take note. As Marie Kondo says “If it doesn’t spark joy,” it shouldn’t be taking up space in your precious closet.

 

Here at JASIELLE, we want to hear whether these tools are helpful. Please comment below with your one item in your “dream collection”.